Blind jokes
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"
A blind guy walks into a bar.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!
Mom: Exactly.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?
Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.
So a blind man walks into a bar.
At least he thinks so.
So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.
So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas? AIDS.
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?
“Good evening, ladies.”
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
A blind comedian walks into a room, or did he? Dun, dun, dun!
How do you know your acne is getting out of hand? The blind start reading your face.