How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
So a blind man walks into a bar.
At least he thinks so.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."
Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.
What do you call a blind German?
A not see.
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
How do you know your acne is getting out of hand? The blind start reading your face.
So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.
So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?
They are always swinging a stick.
Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.
