Birthday jokes
So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.
What is the difference between a tree and "walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home"?
Was your birthday?
Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.
Also, I have the same Birthday as her, so I have the pass.
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Took me about 15 seconds of staring in confusion to figure out how the illusion worked
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?
A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.
The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.
That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago, but she didn't tell me what it was... Anyways, I'm turning 14 next month.
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
As an Autist, I find these jokes really funny. Thanks for the early 13th birthday present, ya'll :>
You know what an emo gets for his birthday? A rope.
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
Q. What did Hitler give his niece for her birthday?
A. An easy bake oven.