Birthday jokes

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.

What do you sing on a dead person's birthday?

"Happy Death-Day To You!"

Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.

The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"

A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.

When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.

So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.

So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite event? Their birthday!

Yo mama so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?

Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.

I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.

Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.

What kind of birthday cake do you get on September 11th?

Three small ones, so you can have a flight of different cake flavors!

A little boy was given a bicycle and a soccer ball for his birthday, but why was the little boy unhappy?

Because the little boy had no legs.

Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.

Most people age up on their birthdays,

Stephen levels up.

My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡