Birthday Jokes

So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

When you're born on 4/20/69...

James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.

Took me about 15 seconds of staring in confusion to figure out how the illusion worked

A kitten sits in a green bowl. The bowl's shadow is visible on the ground, and it appears that the bowl is floating, creating an optical illusion. The image is on a website called Memedroid with menu items on the left and popular taggs on the right.

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.

Birthday girl: Oh wow!

Parent: Anyone missing?

Birthday girl: Your parents.

What do Jesus and I have in common?

No one knows my real bday either.

What did John say to little Timmy? Happy Disable day!

What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?

Chocolate arm.

On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.

Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.

So this is how I got divorced.

On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!