Birthday jokes
Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
So this is how I got divorced.
On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!
So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.
But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"
Memes
It was my math teachers birthday a few days ago and i sent him this meme
When you're born on 4/20/69...
I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"
Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.
Birthday girl: Oh wow!
Parent: Anyone missing?
Birthday girl: Your parents.
What did John say to little Timmy? Happy Disable day!
I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?
Chocolate arm.
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...