Birthday jokes
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...
Hi 👋 I love you!
What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?...
We don't know; she hasn't opened it yet.
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?
Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.
Why is September 11th an awesome birthday to have?
Because no one forgets it! :)
The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.
I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.
To: The Orphan
From: ______
What’s an orphan’s least favorite event? Their birthday!
I am Thor.
And next year, I will be five.
I love birthdays 🍰
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
What did Sally get for her 18th birthday? A brick.
Why did she get a brick? She hit 18.
What song was played at the flatulent centenarian's birthday? Candle in the Wind!