Birthday jokes
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
Why is 4/20 such an epic date?
Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
I love birthdays 🍰
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?
They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
Man, everybody's birthday is this year! 🤦🏽♂️
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.
I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.
To: The Orphan
From: ______
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?...
We don't know; she hasn't opened it yet.
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.
When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”
Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.