Birthday jokes
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.
To: The Orphan
From: ______
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?
Johnny was deaf.
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?
They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.
Why do candles like birthdays?
Because they can get lit!
So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?...
We don't know; she hasn't opened it yet.
Why is September 11th an awesome birthday to have?
Because no one forgets it! :)
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
If it is someone's birthday, say this for a joke:
"A long time ago in a far away galaxy...
YOU WERE BORN!"
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"