Bird jokes
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
What is the difference between a tree and a school?
A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.
The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
Anatidaephobia
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
A black man entered a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender says, "That looks exotic, where’d you get it?"
"Africa," the parrot responded.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?
A beagle!
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
What's black and white and black and white and black and white and red and black and white and white and black and red and red and black and red and white and black and red and red and red and red?
A penguin in a blender.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.
What does a skeleton put on his roof?
Shin-gulls.
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
Three rednecks, Billy, Joe, and John, are talking about their hobbies. They agree on shooting. John says, "I like shooting animals." Joe says, "I like shooting birds." Billy says, "I like shooting cans." Joe and John ask, "What kind of cans, like bear cans, Pepsi cans, or cola cans?" Billy responds, "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans, and Asian Americans."
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
Osama Bin Laden is the best Angry Birds player of all time.