Bird jokes
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"
Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
Nice! Angry Birds really has improved.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
Because then they would be called bagels! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.
When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
What’s the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
A straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-do!"
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do!"
What do you call a running chicken?
Scared.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt, quack!
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?
“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”