Bird jokes
What if Flappy Bird was with the Twin Towers?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who are you? Are you an owl or something?
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
How do you f**k a duck?
Usually duck a f**k.
Why are eagles 🦅 bald? Because they don’t wear wigs.
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
Why didn't the seagull fly over the bay? Because it would be a bagel.
What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?
“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”
I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
What did the eagle say to Obama?
He said: "Joe Mama!"
Why don't bald eagles brush their teeth? Because they don't have teeth! xD
One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."
Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
What did the swearing hen say?
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" (It's cluck.)
What did the cussing rooster say?
"Cock-a-doodle-doo, phew!"
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.