I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.
Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."
YouTubers: Among Us in real life.
Bin Laden: Angry Birds in real life.
What do emos and a bird nest have in common?
They both hang from a tree.
I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."
Why do birds fly upside down over Poland?
There's nothing worth shitting on.
Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
What do you call a fat duck?
Donald Duck.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
What do you call a funny chicken?
A comedi-hen!
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
