Bird jokes
What do emos and a bird nest have in common?
They both hang from a tree.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."
Why do birds fly upside down over Poland?
There's nothing worth shitting on.
Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
What do you call a fat duck?
Donald Duck.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
What do you call a funny chicken?
A comedi-hen!
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?
Is it a bird, is it a plane?
No, it’s a 9/11 victim.
When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.
Once a bird went to search for food. Then suddenly he saw grain on a road. When he saw a bullock cart, he said, "That's too far away." Then the bullock immediately came, and the king bird came, and the deceitful bird said, "Sorry, Majesty, I was wrong to eat this on the road." And then he died, and the king bird goes back and tells everybody about it.