Bigness jokes

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Big tits.

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

My penis is big and long, what else is... my condom... cucumber.

What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.

What’s big, red, and eats rocks?

A big, red, rock eater.

Yo forehead so big it makes Megamind's forehead small.

Your forehead is so big that it could carry the passengers of the Titanic.

What goes in small and soft?

And comes out big and hard?

A tea bag.

For being a big company, NASA is openly saying they want pictures of Uranus.

"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.

Why does Wet have a big head? Because he got hit by a wetaroid!

My girlfriend called me a pedophile.

And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"

When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.

Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.

Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.

Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.

If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.

Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.

Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.

Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

I love me a nice tight pussy. That's why I'm in big trouble with RSPCA.

I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.

He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"

Big black ball sacks.