Bigness

Bigness jokes

Male

    • Why would a Italian heterosexual male do for $100.00 if he was a prostitute that a polish american male would only do for a Klondike bar if he was a prostitute?

    suck a big cock.

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    • Password

    • 31. During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento".

    When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

    32. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance.

    "See that over there? What is that?", says the first crow.

    The second crow takes a long look, "That's a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn't it."

    "How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a person?", replies the first crow.

    "Look at its hand. No cellphone", says the second crow.

    33. Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.

    “I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.

    “I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends him back home.

    “I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here.”

    34. A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly.

    “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?”

    “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”

    35. After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn't lie because God is watching. Then, the girl took two cookies and lied about it. When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges.

    36. I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder."

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    • Wheelchair

    • I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

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    • Bigness memes

    Woman

    • A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.

    She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”

    “About 32,” is the reply.

    “Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.

    A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

    The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.” The woman replies with a big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”

    Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.

    She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.

    The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.”

    Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”

    While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

    He replies, “Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”

    They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, “What the hell, go ahead.”

    He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

    After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay... How old am I?”

    He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”

    Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”

    “I was behind you at McDonalds’."

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    • Man

    • Two plus two is four. Minus one, that's three, quick maths. Every day, man's on the block. Smoke trees (Ah). See your girl in the park. That girl is a uckers. When the ting went quack-quack-quack You man were ducking (You man ducked). Hold tight, Asznee (My brudda). He's got the pumpy (Big ting). Hold tight, my man (My guy). He's got the frisbee (Few). I trap, trap, trap on the phone Movin' that cornflakes (Uh). Rice Krispies. Hold tight, my girl Whitney (My G). On, on, on, on, on the road doin' 10 toes Like my toes (Like my toes). You man thought I froze. I see a peng girl, then I pose (Chilin'). If she ain't on it, I ghost. Hah, look at your nose (Check your nose, fam). You donut. Nose long like garden hose.

    Bag

    • I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.

    Barney

    • I like you, you like me.

    Let’s go out and kill Barney with a big shot gun. Barney’s on the floor, no more purple dinosaur. 🌸🌸🌸🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀🥀RIP BARNEY

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    • Flirt

    • What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?

    You are so butty-ful!

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    • Priest

    • Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?

    So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.

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