Beverage jokes

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reali-tea.

What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?

Royal-tea.

I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

Why do people drink Starbucks? Because it's too hot to handle!

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

What is an orphan's favorite beer?

Fosters.

Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"

Sparkling water was invented by Germans. Who else would add gas?

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher: What?

Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.

Teacher: Why water?

Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

Why do gay men hate periods?

They prefer Collins.

What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature?

Tequila Mockingbird.

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”

What did the grape say when the fox stepped on it?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"

And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.