A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.
He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.
I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?
Why don't orphans drink milk?
'Cause their parents have not came back with it yet.
Steven Hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says...
WAITTTT WHATTT
I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."
What’s an orphan’s least favorite beverage? Milk.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
Why does NASA only serve Coke?
Because they can't get Seven-Up!
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-tea.
I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.
