Beverage jokes
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.
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Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? 🤪 😜
What do oranges sweat?
Orange juice. 😂🍊❤️
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.
He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
What’s an orphan’s least favorite beverage? Milk.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."
Why don't orphans drink milk?
'Cause their parents have not came back with it yet.
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.
I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!