Beverage jokes
Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
I "onerie," or however you spell it, I like to replace all romance or similar memes with duck memes. Just comment duck memes there and change Valentine's Day to Duck Day. Also, for the joke:
Why did the duck walk up to the lemonade stand?
Because he wanted grapes.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?
The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?
Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.
Why are Russians forced to drink grizzly bear piss in Russia?
Because vodka in Russia is weak.
What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.
I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.