Beverage jokes
The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter
What's a queen's favorite drink? Royal-tea!
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
Coffee has been the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."
Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?
Fruit punch.