Belief jokes

Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?

He didn't give me any.

I was made by the Devil.

The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?

Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?

Because she was straight into Jesus.

Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!

Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!

Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck her hahaha 🤣

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

Yo mama so fat, flat earthers say she's round.

If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?

Where do terrorists go for a drink?

At the Allahu-ak Bar.

HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.

How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!

How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.

When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.

Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.

I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.