I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.
Some people put zodiacs on everything.
They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.
I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."
Poop is yummy, fuck!
Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
Why do orphans love to go to church? Because they have someone to call father.
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
Is that a person over there?
Na, it's Jesus.
Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.
Like this,
it will give you good luck. See for yourself!
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
