Belief Jokes

A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.

The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.

When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.

The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."

The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"

The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"

The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"

Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying "Allahu Akbar" and exploding a bus.

Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

Because they're the ones making the toys.

I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.

I asked my now ex boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat so yeah 😂)

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

Me: uses the crucifix.

Rush: Ahahahahahahæanananana!

What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?

One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.

"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."

Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?

One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys.

Thank you, Jesus, for creating holy water!

People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable even god himself couldn’t destroy it God: Ok bet where’s my icebergs?

Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.

What does B.I.B.L.E stand for?

Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence.

How do you anger a white Christian nationalist?

Tell him the truth.

I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.

What God do rats worship?

Cheesus.

"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!

What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?

God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.