Belief jokes
You are family.
What do you call a fat woman that prays?
A holy cow.
How did Jesus kill himself?
He fell from his bike.
How many times did he die?
Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.
If orphans aren’t religious, they really have no father. 😂
Why do orphans go to church?
So at least they will have someone to call father.
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
If you believe in Allah, you will go straight to heaven, Mashallah! 😍
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??
Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁
Do you know where priests go at night?
To all night sale at Boys R Us.
I'm just happy no idiots are calling these people fat-phobic.
Me playing a game...
What did God just stop? Are hearts cause we didn't kill each other.
Like if that was good.
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
Yo mama so fat even God could not lift her spirits.
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.