When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.
Why did the sun go to church?
Because it needs Jesus.
A gay couple actually goes to heaven. Turns out Jesus was a hypocrite.
Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.
Christianity.
Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
Why do Indians marry cows? Because they bathe in milk.
Police: Where do you live? Blonde: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Blonde: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Blonde: Together. Police: Where is your house? Blonde: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Blonde: If I tell you, you won't believe me. Police: Tell me. Blonde: Next to my house.
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
At first I was skeptical, but the universe has really grown on me.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
God.
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
Science flies you to the moon.
Religion flies you into towers.
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
