A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
Belief Jokes
I have a confession. I used to be a Christian.
Don’t bother me none, babe!
Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine!
“Hol up”
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
Why did a woman believe she was a target? She had a price tag without any value to it.
You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.
A priest walked in and said to the kids,
"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.
I once put the Bible in the fiction section.
A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says, “Where’s Mohammed?”
What is God’s favorite candy?
Jesus Pieces.
Why do orphans like going to church?
They can actually call someone "father."
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?
A: He believes in the second cumming.
If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
