Jesus has a twisted humor.
kittens cute cuddly and loveable oh yeah, I almost forgot, add razors that stick out [of] their feet.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
God is good. God is great.
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
I have a confession. I used to be a Christian.
Don’t bother me none, babe!
Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine!
“Hol up”
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
Why did a woman believe she was a target? She had a price tag without any value to it.
You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.
A priest walked in and said to the kids,
"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.
I once put the Bible in the fiction section.
A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says, “Where’s Mohammed?”
What is God’s favorite candy?
Jesus Pieces.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?
A: He believes in the second cumming.
