If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
Belief Jokes
Even your mother can never fix your hairline, just God.
Ever looked at a cemetery and thought, wow, Heaven and Hell must be crowded?
Jesus got rejected. A few years later, he died. He came back just to lose his virginity because even Jesus is not a fucking cunt.
You wanna hear a good joke, kiddos?
Gods being real. (Newsflash, all gods are manmade. THEY'RE ALL FICTION!)
"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.
Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.
We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.
Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.
Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.
Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.
Pastor: You deserve to die.
- I attack
Why do Indian people have bad tempers? Because when they were growing up, their parents told them they couldn't have a cow, so they threw a tantrum instead.
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
How did the villagers identify the masked rapist?
He was the only one in the village who believed the victim.
My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “Do aliens exist?”
“Of course they do! They live in Mexico!”
Why did the orphan go to church?
So they had someone to call Father.
Nuns be like: Can I spread the word, but check for you?
Jesus has a twisted humor.
kittens cute cuddly and loveable oh yeah, I almost forgot, add razors that stick out [of] their feet.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
What do orphans go to church for?
So they can call someone "father."
God is good. God is great.
