Belief jokes
Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
Like if you love God and Jesus.
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
Even your mother can never fix your hairline, just God.
Ever looked at a cemetery and thought, wow, Heaven and Hell must be crowded?
Jesus got rejected. A few years later, he died. He came back just to lose his virginity because even Jesus is not a fucking cunt.
You wanna hear a good joke, kiddos?
Gods being real. (Newsflash, all gods are manmade. THEY'RE ALL FICTION!)
"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.
Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.
We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.
Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.
Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.
Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.
Pastor: You deserve to die.
- I attack
Why do Indian people have bad tempers? Because when they were growing up, their parents told them they couldn't have a cow, so they threw a tantrum instead.
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
How did the villagers identify the masked rapist?
He was the only one in the village who believed the victim.
My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “Do aliens exist?”
“Of course they do! They live in Mexico!”
Why did the orphan go to church?
So they had someone to call Father.
Nuns be like: Can I spread the word, but check for you?