Belief jokes
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?
A: He believes in the second cumming.
If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.
Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?
Computers don’t really have a specific religion.
Yo momma so ugly, the Devil started going to church!
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"
"Islam it is."
God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.
Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!
Why don't churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?
She said a monster attacked her.
God, aka Mr. Universe said he was God's gift to this earth, but where is he?
Science flies you to the moon, while religion flies you into two towers.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
Why can orphans convert to Catholicism? Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?
Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into 2 skyscrapers.