Science flew us to the moon.
Religion flew us into two skyscrapers.
Belief Jokes
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.
Bust it open for Jesus!
You know how many people said, "This ship will never sink?"
They jinxed it by saying "never sink."
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
Religion... That is all.
Flat Earthers
Whats the difference between NASA and religion
NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers
I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
"Amen, "Amen," "Amen."
Hail Satan.
............
Oh, sorry. I forgot which religion I was pretending to respect.
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
How do you make Holy Water?
Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
