Being jokes

🥫Wewo wewo, stop right now or we will be forced to stop your self.

No, not like you can ketchup!

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are da bomb.

When do we think the Empire State Building is going to be shot down?

Being mean.

Now that I think about it, Jane Doe's story actually makes complete sense. If I were dumb enough to show up blackout drunk for a threesome at a frat party, it'd probably also take me 20 days of regret to realize that being raped is a way better look than a gang-bang straight off of Pornhub.

Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.

Shitmate: You’re so shitable.

Me: Bring banana ice cream.

Shitmate: Never happening.

In life you either yeet or get yeeted, or you beat or get beaten.

I guess I failed.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?"

"Cargo." "Cargo who?"

"Cargo beep, beep, beep, be-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-b!"

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

If an emo kid takes an over-the-counter medication, will they be happy?

The British Society of Psychics' annual convention had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!

Lesson in laziness number 136894236842: don't be too lazy to read large numbers.

If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."

My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.

My friend said, “there shouldn’t be discrimination, just black and normal.”

That was also the same guy who said [link to joke].

My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."

Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.

You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.

Why do orphans love to play family?

Because it's the closest they will be to being normal.