Being jokes

Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

Stop being disrespectful to all those people and their parents. Oh, I forgot, they don't have any parents.

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

"I miss you.

Being happy was never that hard without you..."

Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...

10, being in the middle, tried to prevent 9/11 from getting closer.

Sorry, I meant 9 and 11.

This is rifle. ▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一 He needs help being spread across this website. Copy this message and paste it on any joke upon this website. Spread and save rifle.

(On their 1-2 loss to Watford) Ty: Well, we mustn't forget that it's been raining so...

Robbie: It's been raining???

Ty: Yeah!

Robbie: Are you being serious??? It's raining for both teams!

Being an orphan always has an upside; for instance, a bag of chips is family-sized.

My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.

My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.

My live.

Why did the African child wake up suddenly? Because he was being sexually abused.

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?

Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.

My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.