Being jokes

Hole

    • Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?

    A: “Holes gonna be big.”

  • 0

    • Vagina

    • So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

  • 0

    • Insult

    • Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.

    Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

    Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.

  • 4

    • Roast

    • 1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

    2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

    3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

    4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

    5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

    6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

    7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

    8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

    9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

    10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

    11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

    12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

  • 1

    • Orphan

    • I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."

    Vegan teacher

    • Mrs. Kadie, I heard about this Mr. Beast video about veggie burgers. I hope that you didn't trick me again.

    Mr. Beast: Today we're gonna be eating a hot tender burger.

    Mrs. Kadie: OMG he didn't say vegan!

    Viewers: HAHAHA we tricked you!

    Mrs. Kadie: That's it Mr. Beast, we're gonna pour blood on your face!

    Mr. Beast & Chandler: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!1!

    Marriage

    • My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

    Rape

    • A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:

    "You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"

    The girl, showing her arm:

    "Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"

  • 0

    • Gunshot

    • Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.

    The sir: My children will be devastated.

    Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.

    The sir: Whatever it takes.

    *Suppressed gunshots*

    Orphan

    • Why can orphans get away with being bad at school?

    They do not have parents to bring to parent/teacher conferences.

    Orphan

    • Why can orphans get away with being bad at school? Because when the teacher says, "I want to have a parent/teacher conference," they just go about their day.