Behavior jokes

I hate people that hate life.

Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.

*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe

Johnny, Johnny. Yes, Papa? Eating dick? Yes, Papa.

What do you call an entitled woman? A Karen.

Why can you bully orphans?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents? Oh wait, they got no parents.

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?

"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."

What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.

You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.

I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?

Because they have no parents to run to.

Why was the cow afraid?

Because he's a coward!

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!

Why didn’t the turkey cross the road?

To prove that he was not chicken.

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!