Behavior jokes

I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...

Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.

Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?

I hate people that hate life.

Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.

*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe

What do you call an entitled woman? A Karen.

Why can you bully orphans?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents? Oh wait, they got no parents.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"

She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"

I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.

Bored? Punch an orphan! Who are they gonna tell, their parents?