Behavior jokes

Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

I pushed a disabled kid over, and he came crawling back to me.

When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((

Did you know emos are the highest jumpers? Some of them are still in the air.

Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.

EDP445 is a cupcake. Look it up.

The moment when you throw the nut away and try to eat the shell.

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

Which falls faster, a feather or an emo?

A feather, because the emos are always hanging in.

If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.

Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:

You) I 1 poopoo

(Them) I 2 poopoo

(You) I 3 poopoo

(Them) I 4 poopoo

(You) I 5 poopoo

(Them) I 6 poopoo

(You) I 7 poopoo

(Them) I 8 poopoo

And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”

Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!

Best not leave hungry kids unattended!

The emo kid said, "I wanna die." But the quiet kid said, "Nah, I'm gonna die myself, bye!"

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.

How many Emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They all just sit in the dark and cry.

Science experts say when you get mad, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?