Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
RIP K.
When they have a party, they're racist. When they hang out with Ys, they're mean.
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"
"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
What's fat and wanks over his mom?
Guy Sheppard.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
im autisisc
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
