Behavior jokes
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
How many Emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They all just sit in the dark and cry.
Science experts say when you get mad, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?
Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Did you hear about that new emo pizza? It cuts itself!
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
Punch an orphan, what are they gonna do: tell their parents?
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:
Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
What is a Karen called in Europe?
An American.
Like if you are a simp.
I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.
I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.
He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.
What do you call a teacher who never farts in public? A private tutor.
If you get offended, leave. How did you even find this website, just to make people feel bad?? No.
You are seriously the stupid one here. Also this is not a joke, but the people that do this are.