The 3 life rules:
1.
2.
3.
Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.
Yo dad's so stupid, he came back after he got the milk.
Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.
Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!
Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.
Women be like don't tell me what to wear, proceeds to tell men what to wear.
Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.
I troll under different usernames. I'm a bit all over the place mentally.
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?
I don't know! I don't care!
What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
Why do orphans become bullies?
Because their mum and dad were never there for them.
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.
The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"
Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
"Donโt look! I saw you peeking through the window."
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!
1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.
