Bathroom Jokes

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.

What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”

What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?

"Together we can stop this shit."

Yo mama so ugly, she went to the bathroom and scared the sh*t out of the toilet.

Today I was asked to go out by 17 women. Well, I was in the women's bathroom. 💀

Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.

If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.

Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.

How do you punish Helen Keller?

You leave the plunger in the toilet.

How do you punish a blind guy?

You leave a plunger in the toilet.

Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?

What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?

Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.

Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

Euro-peein'.

I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.