Bad jokes
How does Helen Keller smell?
Pretty bad, she's dead!
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree.
Too bad he left him hanging.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
Why is it bad to high five an emo?
They will leave themselves hanging.
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
Why is America bad at Clash Royale?
Because they can't defend their towers.
Why couldn’t wheelchair Harry Potter go to Hogwarts?
They had no wheelchair ramps or elevators...
What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone!
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.
Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."
Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.