Baby jokes
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
Memes
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
What's the difference between my basement and my garage?
One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
Man says, "What's Ligma?"
Woman says, "Ligma balls!"
Baby says nothing, she transgender.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.