What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
What's the difference between my basement and my garage?
One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Man says, "What's Ligma?"
Woman says, "Ligma balls!"
Baby says nothing, she transgender.
What does Kylie Jenner feed her baby? Plastic MILK! LOL
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
