Baby jokes

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|

Baby: Stroll?

Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!

Baby: *happily screams*

Stroller: *front wheels break off*

Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!

Baby: Oka- CRASH!

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's popcorn?

Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?

A: Eggs.

What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?

One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.

How to make a baby make funny faces?

Put it feet first in a blender.

A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,

"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"

The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.

What does a dead baby look like?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?

A blender.

How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.

What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.

What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.

What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?

Beets stain your teeth.

I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.