Baby jokes
Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"
What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"
"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?
One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
"Stupid ass baby."
I am a dead baby. -end joke-
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.