Baby jokes

A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.

What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?

One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?

A baby playing with a scalpel.

Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?

A: "Hit me baby one more time."

How to make a baby make funny faces?

Put it feet first in a blender.

A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,

"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"

The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.

What does a dead baby look like?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?

A blender.

How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.

What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.

What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.

What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?

Beets stain your teeth.

I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.

What is red, white, and goes round and round?

A baby in a blender.

What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?

One baby in 10 trucks.

Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?

It was having a mid-life crisis.

What's the difference between my basement and my garage?

One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.

A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?

- A boner.