Baby jokes
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
Would you rather have ten babies in one trash can or one baby in ten trash cans?
Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?
A: A tater tot.
Memes
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.