Baby

Baby jokes

Eye

What does a dead baby look like?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

  • 1
  • Uncle

    Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

    Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

    (AT BED TIME)

    Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

    Ben: "I'm not."

    (Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

    Song

    I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.

    Beet

    What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?

    Beets stain your teeth.

    Memes

    Blender

    How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?

    A blender.

    How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.

    Tree

    What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.

    What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.

    Dad

    I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.

  • 2
  • Building

    What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?

    Catching it with a pitchfork.

    Difference

    What's the difference between my basement and my garage?

    One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.

    Boner

    A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?

    - A boner.

  • 5
  • Wife

    If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?

    Party

    Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

    Dog

    How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.

    Wall

    How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

    Depends on how hard you throw them.

    Way

    What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?

    With a pitchfork.

    Ligma

    Man says, "What's Ligma?"

    Woman says, "Ligma balls!"

    Baby says nothing, she transgender.