Baby jokes
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?
One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.