Baby jokes
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
What do you call one baby in ten trashcans?
Chopped Junior!
All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.
Heavier babies are delivered by crane.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? 327.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"
Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."
The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"
Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."
The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"
Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up a dead baby's ass.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.
What did the south tower say to the baby north tower?
"Here comes the airplane!"
If a baby cow finds a wolf pup, they will be best friends, but when mummy wolf comes, it’s a fight, so the baby cow and the wolf pup made it a secret, but one day the mummy cow and the mummy wolf found out, but no one got hurt. In fact, the mummy cow and the mummy wolf got to know each other, and baby cow and wolf pup were very happy and played all day long. Their friendship will never break.
-THE END-
This was not a joke but a meaning: if you are different, that doesn’t change who you are and your friends are, so be yourself and don’t let people break your dreams, and don’t forget them either. So no matter who you are, don’t let people change who you are. 🐺🐮
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"