Baby jokes
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
Memes
My lil bro <3
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What's the difference between my basement and my garage?
One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
Man says, "What's Ligma?"
Woman says, "Ligma balls!"
Baby says nothing, she transgender.