You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
Baby Jokes
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
"Stupid ass baby."
What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?
One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.
His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
