What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
Baby Jokes
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
"Stupid ass baby."
merca baby🇺🇲
What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?
One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.
His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
