Baby jokes

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.

If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby, it would be a turd covered in semen.

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

What did the farmer say to the doll?

You death baby doll.

What did the priest say during the christening?

"So anyway, I started blasting!"

They are delicious.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...

Baby: Stroll?

Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!

Baby: *happily screams*

Stroller: *front wheels break off*

Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!

Baby: Oka- CRASH!

What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|

What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.

What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?

A baby playing with a scalpel.

How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?

With a blender.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

Give me baby girl names for a pregnant YouTuber.

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's popcorn?

Wife: “I want another baby.”

Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”