Baby jokes

Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?

A: Eggs.

I am a dead baby. -end joke-

What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.

“Those are just contractions.”

"Stupid ass baby."

What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?

One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.

A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.

How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?

With a blender.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?

A baby playing with a scalpel.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

What does Michael Jackson like to use to clean himself? Baby wipes.

What are Michael Joseph Jackson's favorite songs? "Baby Love" and "Baby Talk to Me."

How to make a baby make funny faces?

Put it feet first in a blender.

A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,

"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"

The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.