Baby jokes
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because its uncles were all aunts!
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
Memes
How do Asians name their babies?
They throw pots and pans around.
"Ching, Chang, Clang!"
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
What did the farmer say to the doll?
You death baby doll.
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
Baby: Stroll?
Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!
Baby: *happily screams*
Stroller: *front wheels break off*
Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!
Baby: Oka- CRASH!
What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
They are delicious.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"
What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"
"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”
Give me baby girl names for a pregnant YouTuber.