Baby jokes
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?
The orphan gets back up.
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
Michael Jackson's hand.
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
What's worse than ten dead babies in a dumpster? One dead baby in ten trash cans...lol
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
Butthole.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because its uncles were all aunts!
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
How do Asians name their babies?
They throw pots and pans around.
"Ching, Chang, Clang!"