Baby jokes

What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?

The orphan gets back up.

What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!

What's brown and in a baby's diaper?

Michael Jackson's hand.

What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.

A father is talking to his three kids.

Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?

Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.

Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?

Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.

Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!

Dad: Oh hey, Brick.

What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?

A: Where's the holy baby?

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

What's worse than ten dead babies in a dumpster? One dead baby in ten trash cans...lol

Why was the baby ant confused?

Because its uncles were all aunts!

Butthole.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?

That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?

It depends on your speed.

How do Asians name their babies?

They throw pots and pans around.

"Ching, Chang, Clang!"

So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.

What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Would you rather have ten babies in one trash can or one baby in ten trash cans?