Baby jokes
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
What's worse than ten dead babies in a dumpster? One dead baby in ten trash cans...lol
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because its uncles were all aunts!
Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.
Memes
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
How do Asians name their babies?
They throw pots and pans around.
"Ching, Chang, Clang!"
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
What did the farmer say to the doll?
You death baby doll.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”