Baby jokes

"Dick me down shorts."

I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.

When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...

What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"

Conversation between a little baby and a lady👇

👱LADY: Hi. 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: How old are you? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your mom's name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What about your dad? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell GOD? 💂LIT.BABY: (spelling) G.O.D

If a little baby can spell GOD, what about you? Just spend some minutes and type "GOD" if [you] know [that you] will sleep and wake up tomorrow by GOD's grace, ignore if you are living by power. MINE: GOD 😃

A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.

The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.

After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."

If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby together, it would be a turd covered in semen.

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

I'm not in jail for tossing a salad.

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

Moto Moto, stop giving the baby your d*ck!

What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.

What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?

Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.

Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!

You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.

Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?

In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢

Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.

They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...

What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?

Dodge the coat hanger!

What did the mom say when her child came out?

"The head was so big!"

I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.