Baby jokes
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.
His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"
What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
Mama milky?
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat.
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
Lucas is a baby, a little girl, ooo!
Your mum is a baby, huh? Not a little baby!
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."
I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.
Welcome to Arby's, where your babies become our gravy!
Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"