Spawn jokes

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.

A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.

Where's the best place to spawn camp at the hospital?

The maternity ward.

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."

"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."

- Sun Tzu

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

I'd say you were the spawn of Satan, but that would be an insult to Satan.

Me: Hey friend!

Friend: Yes?

Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.

Friend: Touch.

Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)

Friend: Grass.

Me: And you get?

Friend: Touch grass.

Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?

I shidded out my baby, then became a fish.

Aw hell naw,

dey turned Spongilebile in2 a frigin generator.

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

His mother replies, "The stork brings them."

Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"

My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...

I need more webs and I need more supplies for more webs, how do I make them? With spiders!