Baby

Baby jokes

Woman

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

Abortion

My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.

Memes

Tomato

(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

Baby: Wait for me!

(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

(He squishes the child.)

Father: Ketchup!

World

The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.

Corvette

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

Sheet

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

Swallow

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

Song

What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?

"Baby, now we got bad blood."

Peanut Butter

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

Nursery Rhyme

"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."

"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all

Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock

when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"

Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?

Gay

Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit

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  • Abortion

    I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.