Baby jokes

Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.

How is abortion different from rape? Babies never consent to it.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

What’s red and very rare?

A baby in a blender.

My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.

What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?

"Sum ting wong."

(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

Baby: Wait for me!

(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

(He squishes the child.)

Father: Ketchup!

Welcome to Arby's, where your babies become our gravy!

The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.

Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?

"Baby, now we got bad blood."

"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream

How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."

"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all

Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock

when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"

Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?

Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit

I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.

My 2 year old Asian baby cant do calculus Look who in sweatshop now