Attack

Attack jokes

Emo

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

  • 2
  • Memes

    Tube

    So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.

    Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.

    At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.

    While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that."

    So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.

    Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!

    Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.

    Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.

    Memes

    Number

    Probably the quack troop for me bc I will have the numbers say what you would choose in the comments

    The image shows four panels with different ducks. The first panel features a duck with a stern look called "Dug." The second panel has a white duck called "Polar Duck." The third panel shows three ducks in trench coats and hats called "The Quack Troop." The last panel is a close-up of a duck's head called "Big Quack." Above the panels, it says, "One will protect you, the rest will attack you, choose wisely."

    Spotify

    The spotify time bar thing is a light saber when listening to star wars soundtracks

    The image shows a screenshot of the Spotify app, displaying a playlist named "Star Wars Soundtracks". The playlist includes songs from the movie "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace". The progress bar is highlighted and resembles a lightsaber.

    McDonald's

    9/11 jokes
    A dark shirt or fabric featuring a yellow graphic. The graphic shows the McDonald's golden arches. Between the arches, two small yellow airplanes are depicted flying towards two tall yellow rectangular buildings that resemble the World Trade Center Twin Towers, with a minimalist city skyline below them. Underneath the graphic, white text reads "I'm hittin' it."

    Community

    Explain Bear and Corrupt Diss Track: First off, fuck off this site, no one asked for your two man circus of cringe And no one’s impressed by your dime store ideas of relevance Y’all walking red flags with Wi-Fi, always looking for a target Probably because you can’t stand the fact that you’re forgotten This ain't the Hunger Games, and you ain’t fucking President Snow Nobody likes you, fuck your monologues and your ma… Read more

    Litmus test to detect nazis:

    Do you think nazism should be made illegal?

    We are not revealing anything else but asking that simple question. If you say ANYTHING else, they will try to reply to everything else. So, just ask the question. We are looking for the initial response.

    If the reply is "define nazism", you are talking most likely with a nazi. You see, we never defined nazism so whatever image popped in thei… Read more

    Alright FOR STARTERS, let me explain and tell everyone the truth here about me and Jake breaking up. I'll confirm what’s fake and what's not, starting with the first rumor. The rumors about me and Jake breaking up are true. We broke up about a month ago, due to personal reasons that were going on with Jake and slowly drifting apart. The reason I didn't tell anyone about me and him not being together anymore, was be… Read more