My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
after 6 months of lockdown
I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself
being asked for advice: after a failed suicide attempt what advice do you have for people out there as a suicide professional don,t try this at home
what thing can an Orphan do beast. Stay at home alone
Why can't orphans go to a friend's house.Because they can't make themselves at home
so i went to my freinds house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out i dont like visitors.
a kid asks for an ice cream the man says any sauce and the kid says na i got ketchup at home
Why do orphans start fights?
because they don't get in trouble at home
I did a walk today but it was so much better and a walk home 🏠 I had dinner 🍴 night was good fun at home 🏡 night was good night night I was a little off but you were so fun to be a night
I Left my Avatar at home today
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl Plane Hit the ground? Oh shit did I leave the stove on at home?
"I don't want to go on my at home history." -my friend, anon 2019
What do you call a white girl at Starbucks.
At home
I left my dog at home once and when I came home it was a mess, lets say I was in a RUFF situation
Your so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool, because they’re scared you’ll drown in the kiddie pool.
hello my fellow canadians I mean ameicans I your cool and hip president has decied to give everyone free ice cream! even the russans to go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
The teacher asked a young boy in primary school "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
To which the boy replies "No"
The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.
At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
"Shut up" she replied
The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks "Can you teach me the alphabet?"
But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.
But his brother is singing "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.
But his sister is singing "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.
The boy replies "Shut up."
"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."
The boy replies "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
In the office, the principal says "who do you think you are?"
The boy replies "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The principal now says "how do you think you'll get away with this?"
The boy them replies "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
