I hate these double standards.
if you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job" if you do it at home you're "destroying evidence"
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the Doctor's office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, "So I can examine you!"
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?
Joe Biden’s speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.
F is for friends who don't talk to you. U is for Ur alone. N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
I wrote down a speech at home yesterday. When I got to school I was speechless.
Teacher: where's you homework? Student: at home... Teacher: what's it doing there? Student: having a better time than me.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
one day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed " YoUr AdOpTeD!" he said "yeah I know my REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
Techer: If you dont understand ask your parents at home. Orphan: I dont have neither of those :c
My friend just got a new house, he told me to make myself at home, so i threw him out. I hate visiters.
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy and I was home alone with my dawgy, and, and I was eating peanut butter, and I thought since its oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part, and my dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter up off my private part, and my private part, it got big and hard, and then peanut butter, but white came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining. And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted “What are you doing?” And then I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, “Well let me have a taste.” And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask.....
Yet here i am, stuck at home in this covid19 Thriller, Beating it.....
where do orphans shop at home apliance?
why are orphans not allowed in stores?because else they would actually feel at home
What did the creep do when the woman said “make yourself at home”? He hid in her attic
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of. You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
🎨🧑🏻🦰 day was that good fun day at home 🏠 I had to the earth and I love it when you get a home and walk walk home from school and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏠 was your birthday 🎁 I did
