At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
I hate these double standards.
if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re "doing a good job" if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?
A guy is at home and he’s about to go get a physical at the Doctor’s office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, “Brian, you’re going to have to stop masturbating.” He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, “So I can examine you!”
one day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed " YoUr AdOpTeD!" he said “yeah I know my REAL mommy is still at home with daddy.”
Teacher: where’s you homework? Student: at home… Teacher: what’s it doing there? Student: having a better time than me.
🎨🧑🏻🦰 day was that good fun day at home 🏠 I had to the earth and I love it when you get a home and walk walk home from school and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏠 was your birthday 🎁 I did
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’
Read more: https://metro.co.uk/2015/11/26/the-ten-funniest-jokes-ever-according-to-science-5527698/?ito=cbshare
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MetroUK | Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MetroUK/
I did a walk today but it was so much better and a walk home 🏠 I had dinner 🍴 night was good fun at home 🏡 night was good night night I was a little off but you were so fun to be a night
I hate these double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium and your doing a good thing, burn a body at home and your destroying evidence
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
I love you you too I love you you have a good night love 💕 love 💕 I love you you and your mom love ❤️ love ❤️ you have the best friends love 💕 you have fun love 💕 is it good you you have to walk home from school and walk walk home from school 🏫 I have fun at home 🏡
Do you wanna know why orphans don’t play baseball
They don’t know what home is
why are orphans not allowed in stores?because else they would actually feel at home
I left my dog at home once and when I came home it was a mess, lets say I was in a RUFF situation
Sans: I like eating ketchup, don’t believe me? It’s ASRIEL as it gets! UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!! Ink sans: umm lust? That’s INKAPPROPRIATE! Fell sans: I hate these double standards…if you burn a body at a crematoriom you’re doing “a good job” do it at home and your “destroying evidence.” Error sans: every time you make a typo, the errorists win…
What do you call a white girl at Starbucks.
“I don’t want to go on my at home history.” -my friend, anon 2019
a kid asks for an ice cream the man says any sauce and the kid says na i got ketchup at home