Asked jokes

How do you get Dick from Richard?

You ask nicely.

My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.

How's your day going?

Shut up, I didn't ask.

Use code tiko#teamfish

One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.

The man asked for some crack.

The woman turned around and said, "Here."

That's where the crack was, you guessed it.

The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

When a person asked to see her balance at a bank, they pushed him over.

I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.

My sister said to me "I love him long time."

Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.

I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.

What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"

"I think you should ask yourself that."

A kindergarten teacher asks her students, "Do you know any words that start with P?"

Little Timmy responds with, "Elmo."

Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.

I saw an orphan and asked them if they had parent permission.

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.

The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"

The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!

What did the orphan say when his mum asked, "What do you want for dinner?"

He replied, " "

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."