Asked jokes

I'm bored so can y'all ask me some questions and I have to answer them?

I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.

It showed a picture of myself.

Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

"I'm an orphan."

"I didn't ask."

I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!

Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

What did the orphan say when his mum asked, "What do you want for dinner?"

He replied, " "

One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.

The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"

The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!

I saw an orphan and asked them if they had parent permission.

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."

The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say, "Boy, you can keep it!"

Someone asks a question: Who? Who asked? Boom, you"re done xxx.

Today I asked my sis to take out the trash, and I shoved her outside!

How do you get "Dick" from Richard?

Ask him nicely.

Why is it that a physically disabled gay white male will refuse to ask his boss that is an abled bodied gay white male for an increase in his paycheck?

Since he has a very big white dick in his mouth, that could be the reason why.

Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.