Ares jokes

People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.

I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)

Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.

How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?

When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.

Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.

Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?

Class: A cow says, "moo moo."

Teacher: Good.

Teacher: What does a sheep make?

Class: A sheep says, "baa baaa."

Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?

Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall you black mother fucke*!"

If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan. I mean, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Depressed people are lame because they are just lame, no reason.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.

What did Paul Revere yell during a full moon?

The British are cumming! The British are cumming!

There are 3 men: an American, a French, and an Italian who have to take a trip and take the plane.

The American puts his hand out the window and says: "We are in America, I touched the Statue of Liberty." The French says: "We are in France, I touched the Eiffel Tower." The Italian says: "We are in Italy, I touched the garbage!"

So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.

And I asked him what he is doing.

Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.

Me: Erm... Are you a simp?

Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.

KG: You have it?

Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?

KG: Sure!

KG then went to her room.

Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-

KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.

KG: Have fun playing with them!

Guy: WHAT THE FU-

Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?

A. A police officer.

Dislike this if you think orphans are weird.

Like this if you think orphans are cool!

Why are there no fat people in Japan?

Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.

Roses are red,

romance is dead,

every day I suffer from existential dread.

What are the odds of you being in a relationship that is going on in the next few months?

So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Oh, shit, I have nothing to say to you!

Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.

There are only two genders.

Femboys are looking kinda tasty for a date, especially the dick and their balls.