Ares jokes
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
What does a Jew expecting guests say?
"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
“Who are the fastest readers in the world?”
“The 9/11 pilots, they did 30 stories in 7 seconds.”
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
Did you know an apple and an orphan are different.
An apple gets picked.
What do you call emo kids that are depressed... suicide squad?
"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered!"
Roses are red, clovers are green.
I love your legs and what's in between. LOL
If you can’t touch your brain or see your brain, you don’t have a brain?
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.
Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.
Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.
Kid 1: Aw, thanks!
Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.
You are so ugly, when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.
If you're ever frustrated, just punch them in the face. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans?
They already lost two towers.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."