Ares jokes

Girl: Dad, where are you?

Dad: I went to go get milk.

Girl: But we have milk.

Dad: I know, I just don't love you.

Why are cheetahs not good at hiding?

They’re always spotted!

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?

Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

"Sonic Says", "If you're ever bored and have nothing to do, then just punch an orphan in the face. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?"

This is our motto- "Never fear orphans! You are even more special than diamonds."

Orphan club for ppl who stand up for orphans!

I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.

Are you a knife?

Because I want to deep throat you.

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

What do Indians call their father when they are born?

Data.

Dads are like boomerangs, I hope.

Are you a train because I want to get railed by you? ;)

Your mom's a whore, and so are you!

Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!

6, 7, and 8 are all scared of 10, but 10 is also scared. Why was 10 scared?

Because it was stuck between 9 and 11.

Roses are red, violets are blue, gum makes me beautiful, but what happened to you?

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

Who are the fastest readers?

9/11 victims, they went through 91 stories in 11.2 seconds.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?