Ares jokes
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
All the Muslims are pissed off because 24 hours after Chuck Norris went to heaven there were no more virgins left.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."
How long are you? I
Why are the twin towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
What are the similarities between orphans and unripe strawberries?
None of them get picked.
America saying they are more stupid. Russia saying they are more stupid = the stupidest war.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.
My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.
Why are people so worked up about 9/11? They were just playing Jenga.
Why are all lesbians bad at math?
Because they can't multiply.
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?
Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*
Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.
Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*
Handicapped jokes are so cruel.
I can't stand them!