Ares jokes
Who are voting for this election? I'm voting for Tricity, so vote for Tricity. Electricity!
Why don't Jedi like their female relatives?
Because they are Sith-ters.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
You are a joke.
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
"I only eat food on the right of my plate."
"Are you good at eating?"
"I'm alright at eating."
You are quite [something].
Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?
Idiot 2: I don't know why.
Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!
Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
If Asians are bad at driving, then was Pearl Harbor an accident?
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She's gonna eat me later!"
You are so ugly when your mum dropped you off at school, she got fined for littering.
Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.
T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."
Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
Neona: Gwen?
Gwen: Yes... what can I do for you?
Neona: You were so right! Mr. Smith has sexual problems and is a fool! I am so sorry that you were not a liar! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!
Gwen: You should have listened. Plus I'm over it!
Neona: Are you mad at me?
Gwen: Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen.